Developments at the Ho Wagon

Ho Wagon? What happened to the other name that you used to use? Well as of today, out of respect and Ho's tried and true status, the former name will no longer be used and this place of mobile delights will now be referred to as the Ho Wagon. Also, according to Ho himself, out of 80 something truck inspections in Fremont for this year, he as the only one who passed. Proudly displayed for all his customers to see is city of Fremont's health department approval certificate.



OK, you know I've been trying and finally I managed to get my hands on the coveted chorizo burrito. Judged against the benchmark, Salsa Picante, Ho's handiwork so far is superior. See the earlier review below regarding the benchmark rating. Remember that's "so far". I can't give the full rating until I hit my consistency requirements but my hopes are high.




On another note, I've also had Ho's beef noodle soup twice. That means if I have it once more I can get a rating out. I still haven't decided what I want today or if I'm even going to have Ho Wagon today so just keep checking back. Expect it very soon though. Shout out to all the other foodies out there!

Roach Coach: Take Two

Alright, it's a week later and I bet you're wondering, "What happened to the chorizo burrito?". Well it turns out that Ho was out of stock of chorizo that day and I ended up getting Pho`. Well I should rather call it beef noodle soup. I don't consider it pho` if theres no choice for tripe and tendon. But anyway, the beef noodle soup was actually pretty good. But I'll get to more of that later. Today is all about the second attempt at a chorizo burrito. Update later.

Developments at the Roach Coach

Well people, it was inevitable. My ever growing laziness has gotten a firm foothold on me and I find myself taking more and more trips to the lunch time roach coach at my work parking lot. After trying a few different item, including cutom items, I find the food in the "not-bad" to "hmm.. suprisingly good" range. I can't rate anything yet because I haven't fulfilled the consistency requirement to anything but heres a taste:

For a rolling food court the dynamic duo that is Ho and Mei have literally a ton of different foods. Ho in particular is very cool and I have befriended him because of it. Mei, his wife, is always in the truck cooking up whatever people order and I haven't gotten a chance to talk to her at all. Ho has a fricken good memory and his policy is if he forgets your name you get a free meal. And he does that for every location he serves. On top of that he remembers your favorite sauce and how many containers you want of them.
At this point I've ordered multiple sandwich/burger items, chiken, even fish. Next up is the standard of all standards, the chorizo burrito. I wanted to get one this past friday but he was low on stock. We'll find out in a couple hours if he has replenished supplies. Though I'm sure I'll have no problem with the burrito seeing his good record so far. It's like the battle he never knew he was training for is about to begin. And what does that mean for you guys? Hopefully a brand spankin' new review this week!!! I'll try to update this with a picture come lunch time. Stay tuned!!!

Mike, I'd appreciate your ring in for the linguica sandwich you got a while back.

Falafel Etc.: Meat Shwarma Plate

Falafel Etc.

39200 Fremont Blvd

Fremont, CA 94538

(510) 795-7170
http://www.falafeletc1.com/

Alright so I realized I still had a picture of a dish sitting in my phone memory that haven't reviewed yet. Right now I'm sitting around in my folk's house for the weekend, bored as heck, so I've decided to take the opportunity to get the review out of the way.

On another note, I've been sick for the past couple weeks with a stomach thing so I haven't really been able to go check out more a lot of new places. Though there were a couple of note: East Bay Thai Food and World Market Sometingerother.... OK I can't remember the name of the second one but basically it's an asian buffet. And away we go.

Taste:

The shwarma here is pretty good. It's about all I order from the menu because everything else I see here is veggie. Yeah I like vegetable but for a meal I need some kind of meat. The meat is very lemony along with everything else on the plate. Also, that white sauce with green things floating around in it is very good here and I might mention unlimited with a visit to the sauce bar. The humus is pretty good though not the best I've had.

Authenticity:

Uh, yeah, very Mediterranean. I'm pretty sure that 95% of the things served here is authentic, and that's based on the 5% of experience that I've had wth this cuisine. Eh?

Consistency:

They are extremely consistent with the main dish and I haven't seen a skew yet, but the sides are a different story. I'll leave that to your imagination or maybe I just want to make you go yourself.

Cost to Serving:

Not bad... Not particularly good either though. I guess you have to take into account the labor and fresh ingredients. Well let's put it this way, If you've got 10 bucks for lunch and only plan on drinking water, try this place out.

Conclusion:

Even though it is very evident that the place used to be a mexican restaurant (you're all gonna be looking for t now), the atmosphere is nice and it's a nice quiet place to enjoy a meal. Sauce for all, even the hot chili paste.

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Price Paid: ~10.50

Price I'd Pay: ~9

Cumulative Rating: 6.75

Take advantage of the lemons in that sauce bar and put a few wedges in that free water of yours.

Jack's Brewing Co.: The Knockout

Jack's Brewing Co.

39176 Argonaut Way

Fremont, CA 94538

(510) 796-2036

I've been going to Jack's for a little over a year now. I was surprised a place like this existed and in my own city no less. Before the guys at work took me here I always thought the place was some kind of expensive steak house. Well I was wrong on both counts although they do have good steak from what I hear. Not only is the sports bar atmosphere great, made evident by tables full of die hard sports fans, but it's also a microbrewery. Yeah, they make beer!!!! I love the penalty shot porter and I'd review just that if I could think of a system. Read my review and go there yourself. This place would kick Applebee's ass to the moon.

Taste:

The knockout is the best burger these guys have and is also my usual. Imagine a well seasoned medium burger patty with pastrami and red and green hot peppers on top, all in between 2 sesame seed buns. McDonald's can't come close. One of the key parts on determining taste is the fact that the waitresses never forget to ask you how you want your patty cooked. And these guys seem to have medium down to a science. It's a very good blend of spice, seasoning, and of course meat.

Authenticity:

Now you've seen my burger reviews before and usually I have trouble determining where they lie in authenticity. This is one of those exceptions that you'd take a bite out of and say, "That's a damn good slice of America!" No kidding. And it also helps being surrounded by flat screen TVs and giant beer stiles.

Consistency:

As much acclaim as I give this particulat burger, do notice a little trouble on the consistency. It's a really really really small thing really... really. It's the juiciness. Some days I can have a nice clean burger experience but other times it's all out juicefest. I can't comment on the consistency of the juice itself but it has never affected the taste. I just don't like having to look down at my shirt every bite to see if I stained it. Wow, I have to say I've never had such a spiel on burger juice.

Cost to Serving:

Very fair. There' not much more I can say about it really. You pay for the burger and get a free side of fries and as much sauce as you want. Hint: try the pepper sauce.

Conclusion:

My ultimate review of Jack's knockout is very good. It gets even better with the right microbrew beer. Meat, beer, sports... and yet this place still never manages to turn into a sausagefest, if you get my drift. The staff is like a small family although I don't think many of them are realated at all. Hell, one of the guys at work even invited them to their wedding and THEY CAME!!! And even brought 2 kegs of beer! Go to hooters and see how many of those girls would come to your wedding.

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Price Paid: ~8.95

Price I'd Pay: ~9.50

Cumulative Rating: 7.5 (but I'm tempted to go higher to avoid beatings at work)

If you thought that a free straw was good, how about a free straw and all you can slather sauce?!

Erik's Delicafe: Chicken Pesto Sandwich

Erik's Delicafe

2551 San Ramon Valley Blv

San Ramon, CA 94583

(925) 743-0101

I've been to several of these restaurants all over the place, from Redwood City, to Fremont, to San Ramon. Everything is pretty much the same except for the serving sizes. I may or may not get into that later though. This place is usually packed at lunchtime, which is a very good sign. Almost everything has alfalfa sprouts. I used to hate it but I forgot to ask the clerks to not include it enough times that I got used to them. Here we go:

Taste:

The main flavor in the Chicken Pesto, interestingly enough, is not chicken. Even more so if you get the alfalfa. In which case the main flavor is alfalfa then the pesto. But even without the alfalfa the pesto flavor is very subtle and barely masking the taste of what I "call cold cut chicken juice". Sure that description makes it sound bad but I don't mean it that way. It's like biting into the kind of chicken they put on a chicken caesar salad. I think it would be great with some kind of whole breast and not little chunks of meat. All in all, I like it and it has earned it's way up to my usual at Erik's.

Authenticity:

Uh, an Italian/American hybrid sandwich is my best guess as to the origin of this cuisine. Do Italians use alfalfa? Let's just call it deli for simplicity. Although there's no definite origin that I can think of, this type of cuisine is so common that it has established itself as the originless "Deli". That's good enough for me and a special case for this rating. Yes, very "Deli".

Consistency:

Not counting the different size servings at different locations I think the consistency is spot on. It like they have a deli sandwich making machine back there. Though it is a little disturbing to me that I can't see my cold sandwich being made up front. I don't know, it's just one of my things I guess.

Cost to Serving:

Depending on the location you eat at this rating changes. For example, the Redwood City Erik's gives you a pretty big roll while the San Ramon Erik's, which is pictured above, looks way dinky. I'll just try to average out here. I usually get the combo like everyone else but this one's price seems to be masked by the combo items. Take a look at the individual sandwich prices some time. I have to take in account the chicken to sandwich ratio and exploded size due to alfalfa sprouts.

Conclusion:

If you're feeling extra snobby but want a decent bargain, come to Erik's and hang out with the rest of the seemingly wannabe rich people and businessmen. That atmosphere is as constant as old people at a Buttercup Kitchen, which I hate by the way.

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Price Paid: ~7.50

Price I'd Pay: ~7

Cumulative Rating: 6.50

Look Ma, I looks like a business man!

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Just Something for You to Read

No new reviews today unfortunately. I ate at 2 new places this week which I've yet to build up a consistency rating for. The other 3 days I ate at places I've already rated. What was that Mexican place we at at with Joe and Noah, next to the porn shop, Mike? Bah... Hopefully I can rate Jack's Brewing Co. next week. I can't believe I forgot to put that on the list. Not just good burgers but good microbrew beer as well. Maybe Nations Giant Burger will get a review too. Also I foresee a rating coming up in a couple weeks for Falafels etc.. I like their little sauce bar where you can get as much chilli sauce as you want. But be careful or you'll be singing Ring of Fire the next day. Well it looks like have a meal plan for at least 3 days next week. See? This post was productive after all.

Taquiera Los Portales: Chorizo Super Burrito

Taquiera Los Portales

36782 Cedar Blvd

Newark, CA 94560
(510) 745-7754

It's very rare that I forget about chorizo but considering what went on this day(glug glug), I can forgive myself. Me and a bud went here for a snack, not a meal, to tide us over until the company bbq. Well he ended up getting a burrito. Guess what I had to do then? Yep, get a burrito. But not just any burrito, a chorizo super burrito. Although I think this place has a different spin on the "super" part. "Super" seems to refer to what kind of filling is included inside, like guacamole sour cream, etc., and not the size. I can still remember the burrito truck in high school and when you said super you got a super huge burrito.

Taste:

There is only one other comparable place that makes a similar tasting burrito. That place is Taqueria Los Gallos in Newark. Thea reason I say this is because of the custom style and flavor these 2 places use. Los portales uses mystery squares of cheese and places them over the open tortilla before adding the filling and rolling up. It seems like a borrowed technique from Taco Bell(I hate Taco Bell, btw). It just happens to be really good cheese and on top of the way that the cook gives you the little crunchy pan scrapings, this "little super" evens out the size with taste. A very good and unique tasting burrito. Bonus for Tapatio on the table.

Authenticity:

Even though I state that this burrito may have borrowed the cheese wrapping technique from Taco Bell, I can't be sure. This is compounded by the mystery cheese that I can't identify. It's sort of like a salty jack cheese if I were to try and describe it. Everything else seems pretty standard and at the same time I can't ding any points for authenticity because of the 2 variables I've described above.

Consistency:

Very consistent. I always get those little burnt chorizo crunchies that I like, mystery cheese, and a greasy hand.

Cost to Serving:

The super burrito, like I stated, is a little small with a price that's just barely too much. It's not that bad though. What gets you is the crazy fountain drink prices. Small small penalty but it would be more significant if I was really hungry this last time I went.

Conclusion:

If you're looking to teach an old burrito new tricks then you have to try one of the burritos from here. Of course that may bring you down a bit on the authenticity scale but only if you let me rate yours.

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Price paid: ~7.50

Price I'd pay: 7

Cumulative rating: 7.75

Again, hooray for chorizo!

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Dino's Grill: Italian Burger

Dino's Grill

5855 Jarvis Ave

Newark, CA 94560

(510) 494-1203

Dino's is one of those places that the word "diner" would describe perfectly. The inside looks like a 50's style malt shop complete with high stools and red and white decor. From what I understand it's a family run place. It's a nice atmosphere really. Today I got my usual, the Italian burger. This comes with pasta but I usually substitute a Caesar salad in. And I almost started eating before I took a picture so that's why my burger looks smooshed.

Taste:

There's a reason why this burger became my favorite. Not only is it served in between 2 pieces of toasted garlic roll, the spicing of the meat is pretty darn good. It doesn't even need any ketchup in my opinion, just some mustard. A burger without ketchup? Yep. The patty is always moist without being too juicy or greasy and the bread is truly qualified to be called garlic bread. These guys know garlic fans when they see them.

Authenticity:

This is another one of those tricky ones that combine a few different ethnic flavors. Some might consider this strictly Americana. I can only attribute the latter to the building design and decoration or lack thereof. Yeah, I know I'm being picky here but that's just how I work. And it doesn't help that some of the other food served is Greek or super American.

Consistency:

This is one of the few places I can really tell you about that have been 100% consistent. Not even my favorite chorizo burrito can do that! Maybe it's the strict family recipes or fear of getting a beat down from grandma if they get it wrong.

Cost to serving:

No drinks with your combos here folks. Drinks are extra. This brings the average menu item to around 9-10 bucks for the cheaper stuff like the burgers. It's worth it when you have a craving for that Dino's burger. Substitutions for side dishes raise an additional buck and a half.

Conclusion:

Eat here! Sure the prices seem a little high when I describe them but it's pretty worth the experience. Just don't come at the peak times because it could get crazy. And if you happen to like Greek salad, go for it. According to my bud Mike it's the best in town. And he seems to be the authority on Greek salads.

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Price paid: $~11

Price I'd pay: $9.75

Cumulative rating: 8.25

Come and get your free straw!!

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Salsa Picante No.2: Chorizo Super Burrito Mojado

Salsa Picante No.2

41965 Fremont Blvd.

Fremont, CA 94538

(510) 656-8685

This has been the long time usual spot for me and the guys at work. For a while we got worried that this place had closed down and we were getting very nervous. Even one of our old coworkers that works somewhere else was speechless when we told him the place looked gutted for a good few weeks. This further worried us when we remembered the property for sale fliers out in front of the building a couple months ago. Fortunately, it was just closed for renovation. Just as soon as we saw the newly renovated ex-Dairy Queen building that housed our usual spot we all got together just like the good old days.

This dish is what I rate almost all Mexican restaurants by. If you're a Mexican restaurant and don't make chorizo burritos, you've just made me loose a little faith in humanity. That's how much I love chorizo dammit. Anyway...

Taste:

I'll say it right now, it's not perfect, but it's chorizo. The taste is more then decent and is helped by being topped with enchilada sauce, different cheeses, and sour cream. And then you get the Tapatio in the mix and bam! You've got an orangish reddish power ranger that you can eat. The burrito from here is the baseline burrito that all other chorizo burrito making Mexican restaurant should strive for, if not beat the flavor of.

Authenticity:

A bunch or real Mexican guys cooking real Mexican food. I can't see anything unauthentic about that. You can even order in spanish and they'll understand you! Even the salsa and chips at the uh, salsa and chip bar are made in-house. And if you want beef tongue in a friggin quesadilla, you get beef tongue in a friggin quesadilla!

Consistency:
I've eaten here so many times but noticed so few stray flavors that it almost blows my mind. Although, I know the same cook makes my burrito because they cook all their food out in front. Lets just say that kind of model earns them a very high consistency rating.

Cost to Serving:

A nice sized burrito at a very fair price! Hands down.

Conclusion
If you like authentic hole in the wall restaurants then this is a place for your consideration. Sure some other hole in the wall restaurants have better food but this is pretty good for a yuppie town like Fremont.

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Actual price paid: ~$6

Price I'd pay: ~$6

Cumulative rating: 7.25

Hooray for chorizo!

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Well it's still an update

Ok, so today I was actually so hungry at work that I had to make a run for the roach coach, better known where I'm from as the burrito truck, that comes to my work's parking lot. This was the first time I had the food from there but I can't rate anything until I've had it at least 3 times (remember?). But I have to say it's actually not that bad. You'll see the burrito truck/roach coach in my upcoming ratings list at the left of the page. What? You didn't see that before? Well that's cuz I just put it up. Also I added a poll under my profile to vote for your favorite Chinese side dish. I'm talking about the stuff you might get in a combo at Chinese fast food, not what you get at a real sit-down Chinese restaurant like soup and/or salad. Look forward to the poll next week asking, "Hot & Sour soup; Digestible or Runs like a Kenyan with too much caffeine?".

Mr Chau's: Tangerine Boneless Ribs, BBQ Boneless Ribs, and Sesame Chicken

Mr Chau's

35204 Newark Blvd

Newark, CA 94560

(510) 793-3788

This is my usual Sunday eating spot. What? Did you think that I was just going to rate only real food? It fills me up and does the job, plus it's cheap. I also use the ATM machine inside more than I use the one at my actual bank. It's my weekly routine of Mr. Chau's, bank, and gas(no there isn't a Mr. Chau's gas station). Anyway, this time around it was the Boneless BBQ Ribs, Tangerine Boneless Ribs, and Sesame Chicken. I also got some hot & sour soup this time but I've yet to build up my consistency rating to include it here. So far that's not looking too high though... You should also know that the guys there know me and do some special stuff like pack a 3 item combo into a 2 item box where normally you'd get a small box for the 3rd order. It doesn't seem that special but you get more if they just shovel that 3rd order into the box.

Taste:
I can't complain here. I know it's not real Chinese food but its still good. Some people just can't get over the fact that it's fast food and believe that the food from this chain is nasty. Well stuff happens when you're a broke college guy. And for the money, I think the taste is pretty damn good. Of course I'm not so much in that situation anymore but the place has grown on me.

Authenticity:
heh, do I even need to say anything here? But if it helps, there are real Chinese people manning the sneeze-guarded heated trays. As for the people that cook, that's up in the air at the moment.

Consistency:
Chau's kung fu is strong in this category. Other fast food places would give you watery, light colored garlic chicken some days and halfway decent garlic chicken other days. My most usual combo pick, tangerine bonless ribs, has never swayed and neither have any of the other selections.

Cost to Serving:
If the last rating was Jackie Chan, this rating is Jet Li. This would be the most important part of the Chinese fast food showdown. These guys know how to seriously load you up on the cheap.

Conclusion:
If you have the munchies and don't have a lot of cash in your pocket its gotta be Mr. Chau's. A single 3 item combo lasts me a whole day and it doesn't even hit 10 bucks. Sweet.

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Actual price paid: ~$8
Price I'd pay: ~$8 par price for par food
Cumulative rating: 6.75 out of 10
For when you're just hungry.
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Bob's Giant Burgers: Western Bacon Burger

Bob's Giant Burgers

40720 Fremont Blvd

Fremont, CA

94538

(510) 656-3356

Here's a place I eat lunch at every once in a while with the guys from work. But it's also one of those places I get cravings for by my self randomly and end up grabbing a burger. Wait that doesn't make sense... unless what I have a craving for is their banana shake. Yep, burgers are nice but there are a few places nearer to me that have very good burgers. On the other hand, banana shakes are hard to come by in Fremont which is why I go to Bob's. But today's rating is for the western bacon burger.

- Taste

Not a bad place if you're looking for that homemade burger flavor. There are a lot of places like this scattered throughout the town but I have to note that this place is way less greasy than the other places, on average. Simplicity really pays of with the western bacon. I mean there isn't even any cheese or lettuce unless you ask for it. But hey, sometimes that's just what you want once in a while. I'm imagining that V8 commercial, as I say this, with the lady at the order window smacking me on my forehead. "Back off! I eat salad regularly. You don't know me!!" But I digress. All in all, I like the burger but I can like it more if I'm craving homemade.

- Authenticity

Authenticity? It's a burger! Even though some would argue that a hamburger is a big fat slice of Americana, I beg to differ. Anyway what's there to authenticate? 2 buns, an onion ring, some bacon, patty, and sauce. And don't even claim that it could be kosher bacon. Haha that one's been used too many times. So here I give the default.

- Consistency

These guys are very consistent in my opinion but is helped by the fact that there just aren't that many ingredients to the burger. I'm sure the patty maker uses the same simple mix for the meat every time. Not to say that it's bad. I like it simple whenever possible. The less ingredients, the more individual tastes you can, uh, taste.

- Cost to Serving

Here's where these guys get a little hairy cost-wise. Fries were alright but for almost 2 bucks they depend too much on quantity over quality to justify the price. The banana shake is well worth the 3.10, however, along with the sh!*@s afterward. Yeah, I've had better but it's close by so bah. But all aside, this rating is for the burger which comes out to about 6 bucks. I'd say that that for 6 bucks its a little on the high side, especially considering that you'd expect to pay that at a restaurant and this place is a hut with chairs around it. Slightly below average on the scale.

Conclusion

This is a great little burger stand to go to for your once-in-a-while homemade burger fix. I like it! But I can't go any further than that. The western bacon is definately one of my regulars whenever I visit. This place get high on the taste but is dinged big time by the cost to enjoy the food.

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Actual price paid: ~$6

Price I'd pay: $5.20

Cumulative rating: 6.75

Just like you'd make if you were just making burger for the hell of it.

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Pho' Dong: B17. Steak, Flank, Tendon and Tripe Pho

Pho Dong Restaurant

2610 Broadway

Redwood City, CA 94063

Tel: 650 298 9900

Fax: 650 298 9909

I used to eat at Pho Dong just about every other day when I was working in Redwood City. It had to be the best pho I've had on the peninsula and I've been to tons of places over there. After the first few visits the clerks remembered my name and even recognized my voice on the phone when I called in orders. Now that's homie! After trying the major variation on their menu I quickly established a regular order. That was the large B17 steak, flank, tendon, and tripe. And here's my review:

Taste:
The most important part of pho, in my opinion, is the broth that all the ingredients float around in. On top of the taste it has to be very hot. If not, you may end up undercooking your beef. Anyway back to taste. The broth they have here is one of the best I've tasted ever. I don't even feel the need to add hoisin sauce or plum sauce that places usually have in squirt bottles on the table. Of course you gotta have the spicy sriracha though. You can tell that the broth has been slow cooked for a long time as it doesn't have that watered down flavor and has a very nice color to it. The quality of the beef, tripe, and tendon are of satisfactory quality but it is usually very hard to tell this after its been dunked in the broth. No complaints from visual inspection. The fixins' (mint, bean sprouts, lemon, jalepinos) are suprisingly picked and sorted out to make sure you don't get a bitter mint leaf or green bean sprout. Everything else is pretty standard for pho.

Authenticity:
Now I'm no pho historian but authentic pho to me has trimmings and cuttings like tripe and tendon. I'm not down with just beef noodle soup. Places call it that and don't add the "good stuff" so the non-educated don't get scared away. Luckily this place makes it any way you want it and I opt for the tripe and tendon. They even offer fatty or lean which is a rare option in pho restaurants. Again it's really hard to guage the authenticity of pho because you don't really know everything they're putting in there. But I do taste a secret component in the broth that I doubt is authentic to Vietnamese cuisine. That would be the only thing that brings down this rating.

Consistency:
This place is very reliable when it comes to consistency. Either that or they prepare a special batch just for me but I seriously doubt they'd do that. I've never detected an oddity in recipe in the probably hundreds of times I've eaten the B17. It just gives me that warm fuzzy feeling inside... the good kind, not the run to the bathroom after 15 minutes kind.

Cost to Serving:
Pho is known to be a very cheap yet filling dish. You know something is off if you ever have to pay more than 5 or 6 bucks for a large run-of-the-mill bowl of pho. Non r-o-t-m being something like seafood pho, which Pho Dong also serves by the way. I can't remember the exact cost but it wasn't more than 5 bucks for a large order of this dish and by no means was this rotm. In the end my stomach is pretty happy here along with my wallet.
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Actual price paid: ~$5-6
Price I'd pay: $8
Cumulative rating: 8 out of 10
Good pho even for die-hard pho eaters.
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My Complicated Food Rating System Explained

Ok, I have no idea how I'll be going about this so I'll just type as I figure things out...

Food I eat is rated primarily by the following criteria, in no particular order:
- Taste (of course)
- Authenticity*
- Consistency*
- Cost to serving ratio*
- Price I would pay to eat the dish again*
- How filling?

Secondary ratings that may affect my rating include:
- Atmosphere
- Condiments on the table or lack thereof*
- Menu item availability*
- Waiter/waitress ability
- Side/appetizers *

My main objective is really the food. I only tend to include the weight of the secondary ratings if an aspect is particularly notable, whether good or bad. Also, the secondary ratings are weighted together as one and held against the individual primary criteria. The secondary rating system holds the lightest impact of all criteria when coming to a final rating of 0-10.

Now what are those *s for up there beside the rated categories? That means that those categories have a more descript meaning than what is initially written. Side notes, in other words. Here they are described in detail with examples where possible.

- Authenticity
A lot of people think that food is food and it's good or it's bad. I used to be that way myself, weighing more on the bad side. It wasn't till I moved away that I found myself exploring foods from different ethnic backgrounds. Authenticity of food comes into play when I'm eating ethnic cuisine - duh. But it's not that simple. Say you go to a Japanese restaurant. You expect the taste to have characteristics of real Japanese food. But what if you go to a Japanese restaurant like Hapi House? Sure some argue that their food rocks anyway but everyone knows and says in the back of their heads, "But it doesn't taste Japanese...". The same goes with Americanized Chinese fast food. They don't eat that crap in China! But again, that's not to say that the food isn't good from a particular restaurant. So if I were to rate a Mr. Chau's using only the taste and authenticity ratings, it would get a big fat 0 on authenticity but maybe a 6 rating on the taste. But that doesn't make it a 50/50 split of a final rating of 3. Remember it's all weighted differently. Based on those 2 criteria alone I'd probably still give it a 5.5 rating. Now if I throw in the "how filling" rating it would be pretty damn high because Chau knows how to load you up, boosting the final rating... but that's for another section.

Of course the weight of authenticity applies even less to hybrid or contemporary food. Like an Italian hamburger for instance. An originally German food utilizing Italian spices and olive oil. How do I rate these kinds of dishes for authenticity? I don't. Being that they have no single ethnic theme to them they simply get a default rating of 5 on the scale. Easy enough eh?

- Consistency
People that know me think I'm a little strange in this area but I think that consistency is a huge part of the overall rating. And by all means the consistency rating is actually the single hardest rating to get out of my entire system. WTH, why? Well simply because I have to eat the dish to be rated my magic number of 3 times on different non-patterned occasions. This is to even out the chances of getting the same cooks to cook my food and possibly figure out that different ingredients are used at different times, by different cooks. Imagine Randy, Paula, and Simon(the 3 occasions). They rate the would-be stars(dishes) at different performance days(occasions), singing different songs(ingredients). If all these things come together and the performances are consistent, America loves them. And its that darn Simon that usually evens out the judging panel's average yield. In my case, Simon is that third occasion that evens out my consistency rating. Hitting the pavement makes it hard.

- Cost to serving ratio
This one is simple. I like good food yet like it at a budget just like everyone else. A fancy pants French restaurant that gives you a quarter sized portion of lobster for 70 bucks gets a 0. Simple, I told ya.

- Price I would pay to eat the dish again
This is the favored, most heavily weighted rating when I eat on the cheap. Here I explain the rounded price I actually paid and the price I would still buy that dish at if prices were raised. For example, I like the Carl's Jr. dollar spicy chicken sandwich - so much that I've established a rating based MSRP, if you will, price of $1.65. I would pay up to 1.65 for that damn sandwich, 65 cents more. Now why the hell would I include something as controversial and opinion based as this? For the human aspect! No good rating system is established by a robot and statistics just aren't feasible when it comes to food.

More Details
Now onto the secondary rating descriptions. These help establish, even more so, the human aspect of my system and also note severe shortcomings or pleasant surprises.

- Condiments on the table or lack thereof
I tend to use this secondary rating a lot when I eat in Mexican restaurants. Some people just don't get it. How can you have a Mexican restaurant and not have a bottle of Tapatio' sitting on the table? OOooh, salt and pepper, wow... You wouldn't need those if you had TAPATIO'!!! The blow is softened if I ask and they don't hesitate to hand me that sacred bottle. But some places have the nerve to not stock it at all! An example like this is a major ding on the secondary scale. Where's my damn sauce?!

- Menu item availability
Again I tend to use this in Mexican restaurants. Chorizo(yes that's the correct spelling). I love that stuff, yet some places refuse to make a super burrito out of it stating it's only for the chorizo con huevos. Ding! Then there are the places that don't carry chorizo at all. DING!!! DING!!! That's a foul for the planned party in my mouth and a neh-gah-tee-voh!

- Side/appetizers
Whether it be a Chinese place with a free Chinese salad bar and cookie or a Mexican restaurant with a free tortilla chip and salsa bar... notice the pattern? This is for those freebies given to you at a restaurant in goodwill because they want you to think that you're just awesome in their eyes. Hmmm... cold hot and sour soup isn't awesome. Stale tortilla chips are definitely not awesome. Build me up, Buttercup, but dammit, DON'T BREAK MY HEART!!! No one, with the exception of myself because I actually did it, goes to a Chili's and tells the waitress, "An Awesome Blossom, please. But hold on the awesome". You order that advertised Awesome Blossom and expect it to be completely and utterly AWESOME! Sorry for that rant but it's just that important. And yes, I realize the Awesome Blossom isn't a freebie.

Conclusion
When all these powers finally combine you don't get Captain Planet, no. You get a damn good, down to earth rating system by an arguably normal guy like me. You won't find the people with sections in the paper describing their system in such great detail. It's just too hard and brain frying like this post. I've been on this for 2 HOURS! It physically hurts! But when all is said and done and weighted in my head, you get my very reliable rating like so:
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Actual price paid: ~$7
Price I'd pay: $10 (only if its good, negatives are possible!)
Cumulative rating: 6.5 out of 10 (it's very rare that I do quarter points)

Insert nifty final thought here.
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Doesn't seem like an even trade in effort to results huh? What can I say? I love's me some food. And finally NO I DON'T RATE MY MOM'S FOOD. That's taboo. But I'm more than happy to rate your mom's food. Just remember to repeat 3 times for full effect.

Recent Developments

Bah... as you can see I've created this blog. Yep. Why? Well I don't really wanna write about all the recent developments again... Just find out why from my other blog @ http://frighte.blogspot.com. The next post should describe my very complicated food rating system. Just thinking about it right now is frying my brain... I'm gonna go to sleep.